Born to Die?

Is God a sadist, or does he just lack the power to control his own creation?  Why is it that Christians cannot provide me with a direct answer to these inquiries.  Sorry for my disrespect toward your God, but I am just extremely frustrated with the amount of evil that has occurred in the past sixth months, and cannot even begin to understand why this could happen in the first place.  Just, why?

Cancer is the reason that I don't believe?

I have been feeling very emotional lately (probably due to my recurring nightmares, but I won't get into that right now).  In short, I have been having trouble with my faith for the past couple of months, in the sense that I don't really believe in any god.  I believe in good morals--obviously--but I just do not believe that there is an outside force watching over what we do.  I don't believe in any sort of life after death.  When we die, we just die.  That's all there is to it.  Sometimes I like to pray despite these feelings, as a way to quell my fears for the time being. But is that worse than not believing?  Realizing that there is no god, but making one up anyway, so that life is more bearable? 

To get to the point, someone that is very dear to me has had cancer since before I can remember (since I was four to be exact).  This cancer has made me morally and spiritually stronger, but not necessarily religious stronger.  I always get really emotionally when I see someone with cancer, or something of the sort.  I hate it.  I hate it so much, but there is nothing I can do about it.  I feel so helpless, and watching the pain that it causes is more unbearable than suffering through it first hand. 

Ever since my first encounter with cancer, I have liked the idea of living in the present--the whole notion of carpe diem--but am not sure if a god resides in this present.  I believe that you have to be your own god.  Let me rephrase, I believe that you have to make the good in your life, despite all of the bad.  I am more than happy with the life I have been given, but I have an incessant sadness that resides inside of my subconscious.  I'm not depressed or anything, in fact, I'm quite the opposite.  I enjoy every day that I am given with the person, for I know that they could be taken from me in a different manner.  I have already been given 17 years with them, and hope that I may have 17 more.  Despite everything, I have been blessed with a truly wonderful life, whether it was by God--if there is a God--or by the luck of the draw. 

The 'Wrong' Kind of Christian?

While I sat in my room, contemplating the topic of my post for this week, an epiphany came to me in the form of Barack Obama.  According to an article that I had found on the interweb, some see Obama as the ‘wrong’ kind of Christian.  What does this even mean?  To summarize, the religious conservatives do not find Obama to be a true Christian (which is understandable considering that most conservatives are unable to understand any beliefs aside from their own).  Obama is a man of faith, and referred to his strong belief in God many times over.  He reads his Bible, just not literally, which is what the majority of the conservatives are doing.

Obama is a President that recognizes, and tolerates (emphasis on the word “tolerates”) other religious denominations that exist in the United States.  It is unfortunate that many people (specifically the conservatives), are still unable to recognize that there must be a separation between Church and state.  If Church was related to state, then the Magisterium mind as well take over the entire country.
At least Obama recognizes that not everyone in the U.S. is Christian, or even believes in God for that matter.