Somewhat Personal Confession Hour!

When I was in sixth grade, I would make myself a sandwich every night after dinner. I called it the triple decker. It was three layers of peanut butter and bread, and I would eat it all. I would always hide the evidence once I was finished, because I didn't want my parents to know that I was stuffing my face after dinner.  Sometimes, I would even have a bowl of ice cream after my sandwich. 

 

That is the story of how I developed an addiction to food.

Three years later, I restricted myself to a bowl of cereal or oatmeal for every meal.  If I ate more than the allotted amount, I would throw it up and then exercise for an extra hour.  I even went so far as to use detox treatments.  I got down to 104 pounds, which is eleven pounds underweight for a girl who is 5"6.  To put this into perspective, I went from having a BMI of 23.0, to a BMI of 16.8.  Sometimes I would get really depressed, and binge on anything that I could get my hands on.  This of course resulted in more exercise and the occasional trip to the bathroom.  I didn't realize how out of control this was, until my friend asked me why I was exercising at one in the morning, after spending the day walking around Spain.  I had such a distorted sense of self, that I actually believed that I was still too "fat."  Fast forwarding to the present, my bulimia has been under control for over a year and a half, and I can honestly say that I am more than content with my body.  

This post may seem kind of random, but I was doing a lot of thinking about people my age and younger, who are bullied for their weight.  The thought of the pain of these people, made me really emotional.  Every malicious word or gesture made in reference to these people, breaks them down.  In fact, it destroys every once of self-confidence that they may have.  Too many of them feel ugly and worthless, when the fact of the matter is that they are all amazingly beautiful.  Eating disorders are not fun, and after years at both ends of the spectrum, I was able to learn this for myself.  

My advice to you?  LOVE YOURSELF.  Not in a narcissistic or pretentious manner, but in a way that exudes confidence and helps to make you even more beautiful.